Intellectual Propertease
Date: Sunday June 29 2003, @08:01PM
Topic: Laugh (or Cry)

fnord writes "I wrote this before MdR2k and it's been floating around on the net ever since but I thought I'd republish it here in honour (canuck spelling) of ICANN's foray to Canada, (a country that one in four US citizens think is overseas, they can make smart bombs, mebbe some day they'll get around to making smart people). It seems equally
appropriate some two and a half years later as not much has changed.
Or as we say up here, plus ca change..."

The Intellectual Properties Theme Song

(Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies theme song)

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Zed,
A poor website owner, barely kept his family fed,
Then one day he got an email, it started quite a row.
" infringes our Zee trademark. Hand it over. Now."

Forthwith, that is. Cease and desist. Yours sincerely.

Well, the first thing ya know old Zed's a cybersquatter.
Newsgroupers said: "Zed, things'll just get hotter".
They said: "mebbe some research is the thing you otta do",
So he loaded up his browser, and went to check Yahoo.

Search engines, that is. Northern Light. Open Directory.

Zed found Zee owned trademarks, and domains by the bunch.
They seemed a vast conglomerate, they could eat his lunch.
Their site said: "we're an incubator portal branding company".
They sold bits of everything, from B2C to A to Z.

From Zee to thee, that is. Swimming pools. Movie stars.

Zed refused to give up yet though, now he really hit the books.
Learned it no longer matters how any word sounds or looks.
If big corps want your domain name they'll get it like a shot.
Claiming Manifest Destiny on all that comes before the dot.

Com, that is. Period net. Fullstop org.

The next thing Zed discovered, well... it wasn't at all funny.
He hadn't read the fine print before NetSol took his money.
The contract favors owners of 'intellectual property'.
So he was ordered to defend his name before the UDRP.

WIPO that is. ICANN too. Acronyms R'US.

Zed sent in his defence, including this impassioned plea:
"How could any reasonable net user confuse Zed with Zee?"
The learned Arbitration Panelist pronounced: "case dismissed".
This set colleagues' tongues to wagging: "perhaps he was pissed".

Drunk, that is. Cellphone tumor. Demonic possession.

Still the megacorp was hungry, they just had to have that name.
They were expanding up to Canada (where Z's don't sound the same).
They hired still more lawyers who soon filed suit in court.
Baffling Zed with certiorari, res ipsa loquitur, and tort.

Legalese, that is. Lanham Act. Section 43(d).

Zed thought he was done for, then he had a blinding flash.
He emailed the Zee corp president. Subject: Save your cash.
Said: "Register AND Sa c'est CAnada après le dot"
The prez thought that was brilliant, and hired Zed on the spot.

VP for IP, that is. For pre-IPO stock options. Poor Zed, R.I.P.

The Intellectual(?) Properties!

Y'all dotcom back now, hear?



A midi of the original song is here. Original lyrics are here. Ahy suggestions on additional hyperlinks are welcome at, remove the NOSPAM8X.

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